and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
