The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
