I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
