I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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