I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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