I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
