I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
