I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
