drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
