Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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