I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
