Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
do nipples grow back?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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