dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Randomize
