Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
