you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
