And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
