You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
