My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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