I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
