Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
