I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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