Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
