My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
