I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
