Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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