I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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