what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How many fucks given?
0.12846
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
