Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
