I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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