Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
