Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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