R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
too bad you live with your parents still
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
