his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
