I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
