Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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