woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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