Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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