Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
