So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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