I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
