Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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