Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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