i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
