dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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