She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
