I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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