oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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