And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need moral support for this bender
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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