That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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