I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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