I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
