the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize