i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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