So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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