She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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