Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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