Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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