dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize