I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
