Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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