Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
