thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
