I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
