make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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