ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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