seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize