i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
only if we run a train.
done.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
