So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
