I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
