Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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