She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
