1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize