Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
