I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your topless pictures make me question reality
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
