I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
