I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
