i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
