you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pants are for mortals
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
