I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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