I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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