Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
